I love the word be authentic. It didn’t start out being a word that I loved, because I thought it was a little weird. What I thought was weird about it was I always believed that we are all authentic. What I learned is I confused authentic with unique and they are not necessarily the same. I have always believed that we were all created as unique individuals with special gifts and talents. I still believe this to be 100% true. However what I have learned over time that although we are all unique, we are not always authentic. What that means is as we experience the world we often lose our authentic self.
Young children show authenticity naturally. As you watch babies, toddlers, and young children, they don’t know how to be any different than themselves. As we grow we begin to take in all the information that is shown to us. Much of it is well meaning such as being polite, how to share, how to be kind. However what happens is our world starts to mold us into who we should be versus allowing us to be who we were born to be. We tend to succumb to the input that tells us we all should be A, B, C. The world, our parents, our friends, teachers and community begin to tell us what we should be and we listen. Unconsciously, we begin to conform to the expectations that in order to be happy, the best person that we need to be and act a certain way to be accepted.
I always knew I was unique and special as a kid. I felt good about myself and had dreams. I knew in my soul I could do anything I put my mind to. Somewhere along the line I stopped believing this. I started to view myself through the eyes of others and I wanted others to like me. That was the upmost importance. This is very common with Adolescence. As a RN I learned stages of development by Erikson and have seen them and used them when taking care of patients. I believe we all do go through these. The challenges with these stages is that as we developmentally grow, how do we get to the other side where we can actually reach our full potential.
Another author, Maslow developed the Hierarchy of Needs. Maslow shared that our needs dictate our behavior. Those five needs are: Physical, safety, love and belonging, esteem and self actualization. The theory suggests that the four lowest needs need to be met before self actualization which is the highest level can occur. I feel that self actualization and being authentic are very close cousins, thus making it difficult to be fearlessly authentic if your basic needs are not being met. Everyone’s journey in life is different. Some are born into a life of poverty, while others have so many advantages. One would think that if you were born into a life where the conditions were great that you would easily reach self actualization and not have any reason to lose your authenticity. However, this is far from truth which actually levels the playing field for all of us.
It has taken me a lifetime to learn how to be fearlessly authentic. I still find myself at times losing the authentic me when I go back to listening to those negative voices in my head where I was told I wasn’t good enough, or couldn’t do something. However I continue to do the work I need to do to keep me grounded. I do this with meditation, positive self talk, listening to motivational speakers, prayers, journaling, and the support from those who truly love and celebrate me. It is a journey, but one I am grateful to be on.
If you are someone who is struggling and has a desire to live your authentic life, there is great hope! You have already overcome a huge obstacle in understanding and wanting to be the authentic unique person your were born to be. That my friend is the first step to getting there!
To begin to find your authentic self there are several things you can do that have worked for me and others, pick one or two that resonate with you:
- Learn to meditate-Meditation brings you to your conscious state and this is where transformation begins. There are a million free self guided meditations on the internet and on apps that you can download. I would suggest starting with a short guided meditation and even if it is hard to just keep trying and practicing. This is a new skill for our very active brains and it takes time and practice.
- Journal-start to journal your thoughts. We have so many thoughts that we don’t pay attention to. Many of them are toxic and just plain lies. Write down how you feel, what makes you angry, what holds you back from having the life you want. Write down your goals and desires. Go back and read your journal and look at patterns. Journaling allows you to focus on YOU versus others and pauses us. Learn that it is okay to be still and journal.
- Find what makes you feel positive and get rid of things that make you negative- (hint-journaling can help you identify this). Maybe it is upbeat music or reading inspirational quotes. Positive friends, nature, children animals. Whatever brings you pure and simple joy, do more of it! Make a list of the things that simply make you feel good and set the intention to do this activity at least once a day.
- Pay attention to your negative self talk (hint-check your journal). Our brains and souls carry so many lies that we tell ourselves or we have heard from others. This negative self talk does nothing but tear you down and guess what-you are the only one who is allowing this to occur. Learn to catch a negative thought or belief about yourself and STOP IT and replace it with a positive statement. For example, every time you hear your voice say “I can’t do that, I am not talented enough”, stop and replace it with “I can do anything I set my mind to because I am a smart, and talented being”. Write it down if you have to. Practice doing this no matter how silly it seems.
- Hire a personal success or life coach-If you struggle with doing any of this alone, find a coach who can lead you. A good coach will help you identify your goals and hold you accountable to the action steps and changes to make so your goals become your reality.
Life is short. There is only one YOU! My biggest hope for you is that you live the life that brings you joy. What brings joy is different for every single person. Define your joy and live it. Stop living the life that others think you should live. Stop being the person others want you to be and JUST BE YOU. Surround yourself with people who CELEBRATE you, not tear you down. The one thing in life we have is CHOICES. We can choose more than we believe we can. Once you learn to make choices that work specifically for you, you will be on the pathway to finding your authentic life of happiness!
Sending you all vibes of love, peace, happiness, and joy.
Kristin Lynn